so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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