The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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