so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
