You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
