I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
