My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
