When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
