why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
