make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
