hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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