I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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