The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
