I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
