Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
love makes seman taste better
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
