I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
