She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just cut my nipple shaving
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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