I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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