I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
