need another drink. this is the easiest way
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
