I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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