My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
