Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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