Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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