Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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