Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
