Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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