NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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