Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
