Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His nipple licking is glorious
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