You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
