guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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