There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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