your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
