if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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