I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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