Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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