i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
