Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
