wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
