So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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