I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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