Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
