this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
