.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
