I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
