Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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