Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
