Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
