I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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