Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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