I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
