i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
