"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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